So, this has been one hell of a week. I went to my first counselor’s appt of the semester on Tuesday, and basically for the entire hour, just threw everything I’m going through, all my stressors, my anxiety, my worries, and my issues at her…She looked kind of shocked by the end, to say the least. She asked me to think about goals for this semester, how I would want her to help me. Is it not enough that I want my life back from all of the demons and stress and negativity?? Then yesterday, out of nowhere, I suffered a 20 minute long flashback – while at work. My anxiety is getting out of control. It flares up in the evenings right before bed, and my mind races for hours before exhaustion finally overcomes me and I pass out, only to get up a few hours later for work. My stress has gotten so bad that I’m literally only eating for survival. I don’t have much of an appetite anymore, and when I do eat, it’s literally just enough to keep me from starving. So, I’m barely sleeping, I’m barely eating, and my stress and anxiety are just increasing as the days go by….I can feel my sanity slipping away a little at a time each day. I don’t know how I make it through each day. I’m not taking any medication for any of this, because right now, I just can’t afford it. I…want to not feel like this anymore. I want to be able to relax (what does that word mean again?). I want to be able to enjoy life, not worry about every tiny little thing. I want to feel…okay, normal, better. I hate feeling like I’m barely holding onto my sanity. I hate feeling like I’m losing my mind…all the time. I’d give anything to not feel this way anymore.
Stay Strong. If you can do it, so can I. ❤